I have never been more exhausted in my life (I'm more tired now than any of our trips to Ukraine!!) Mila is staying pretty stable and she seems to be more comfortable now. She had one episode (when Shawn and I left to grab a bite to eat) where her heart rate and blood pressure shot way up. They had to give her more sedation...they had been increasing her paralytic to keep her from moving so the breathing tube doesn't cause more irritation and swelling and that finally kicked in but she was slowly coming out of sedation (which she wasn't supposed to be) and coming out of sedation completely paralyzed can be pretty scary I imagine, so once they got her better sedated her, her stats returned to normal. Just a bit ago her blood pressure was high again and even after upping her blood pressure medicine it still didn't want to come down. After a bit it slowly started coming down to an acceptable number. Please pray that her heart rate and blood pressure stay down.
Tomorrow between 6-7am the plan is to try to extubate her (as long as she stays stable throughout the night). They've given her steroids to help with her airway swelling and think she'll be ready to be extubated in the morning. When the paralytic started wearing off today she was breathing on her own..so hopefully that's a good sign and she'll be able to be extubated tomorrow with no complications. I have a feeling she is NOT going to be happy when she wakes up tomorrow :( Please pray for her airway swelling to be gone so she can be extubated in the morning. Pray that she would not be too terribly scared when they take her off the paralytic and decrease some of her sedation. Also, please pray that she has a quiet night with no surprises. And a prayer that she would eat after being extubated tomorrow to avoid an NG tube.
Oh and I feel a little selfish asking for prayers for Shawn and I, but we need them. It is unexplainable to see your child so helpless, even when you know this is best for her. I just wish with all my heart I could make it all better. We're both struggling with feeling like we built so much trust with Mila just to put her through all this today. We adopted her and promised to make her feel safe and loved, and I know she is so scared right now....I feel like I'm not following through on my promise, even knowing with my brain that she NEEDS this! It's a very conflicting feeling that just plain stinks! She went into "orphanage mode" today after not being fed for so long and it was just sad to see. She just shut down. I know it will take time to get back to where we were with her bonding wise, but I'm praying that she will seek us for comfort and that our love will be enough to calm her and help her feel safe.
Off to try and get a few winks of sleep, tomorrow's going to be a tough day. We truly appreciate all your comments and prayers....they've helped us to get through a very difficult day. Please please please keep praying for our jelly bean!