If you're wondering what I feel like with only a little over a day to go as we're preparing to fly across the ocean to meet our third daughter....let me just tell you. One minute I look at her pictures and my stomach has butterflies, the next minute I look at my sleeping babes over the monitors and I want to cry, then after that I imagine meeting Curlie Girlie and kissing her cheeks for the first time and I get so super excited I can barely contain myself....then I look at the dog and almost cry because I will miss her too (crazy I know).
All night I've been taking deep breaths and saying short prayers that go something like this, "Dear Lord please replace this fear with pure JOY" and "I need you" and "Give me peace" and "Prepare our hearts." That's about all I can muster. My thoughts are unorganized and chaotic and I can barely remember what I'm doing from one minute to the next! When my girls are awake it's easier because I just have to focus on them and their needs! But tonight has been emotional. We're so so so excited and once we get over these initial jitters I know this is going to be an amazing journey.
As we packed our bags tonight, I said to Shawn, "So we're really doing this again?" And he just smiled :) Even the third time around, this is such a lesson in faith. It's stretching us again in ways we're not always comfortable with....but we can't grow if we never leave our comfort zone. I get a little uncomfortable, as well, when I start to get comfortable with life.....and that means God has really changed my heart over the past several years. As we prepare to leave the comforts of our home, as we prepare to leave half of our hearts here with our daughters at home....we KNOW this is the right thing to do....we KNOW life isn't about living comfortably and easily....but it's still so hard! We know that we will look back and thank God that we followed him!
I feel like a child the night before Christmas....actually, the anticipation is even crazier than that! I don't even know how I'll sleep tonight, and then again tomorrow night, knowing we are so so close to having our lives changed so brilliantly!