Since we worked every waking moment for the last two months to get our dossier done and sent to EE, we were a bit disappointed to hear this morning that we weren't submitted. Laina's file is not ready yet. Hopefully next Thursday. Laina is scheduled for heart surgery in her country for sometime in the beginning of October. Last we heard (a month ago) she was just over seven pounds. My gut tells me surgery in her country plus seven pounds very well may not equal the outcome we'd hope for, which would be her life. That is why we worked so hard to get everything done so fast, because surgery will wait if we can get there first. So after today, at least another week is tacked onto the timeline and it doesn't seem that we will be there before October. It's just a week, 7 days, no big deal right? To me it IS a big deal because at this point every day matters. We are still hoping they will wait to do her surgery since they are aware we have our paperwork in and are just waiting on their end of things. Of course then we wonder what exactly her heart condition is and how she will do travelling home, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I just have an intuition that she should not have surgery there.
We're not just disappointed, we are worried for her life. And if nothing else to come out of this bad news today, I've realized she is already my child....maybe not legally, but the fierce feelings that welled up in me this morning and the thoughts that raced through my head about what in the world I would ever do if she didn't make it told me she is already just as much my child as Zoya is. People may not understand that, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt after my heart aching so much this morning that I'd do anything for this daughter....just as much as I'd do anything for Zoya. I just wish I could scoop her up now and make it all better, get her home and healthy and get her the surgery she needs so she can be all she was made to be. Although I've never met Laina, although I've never held her or looked into her eyes, or rocked her to sleep or listened to her breathe, or felt her soft skin on mine, I already love her as my daughter.
Please say a prayer for sweet Laina, that is all, thank you.