Dear Baby Girl

Tonight I came across a word document I wrote on our long train ride to meet Mila. Reading it puts me right back on that train just hours prior to meeting her. How she has changed our lives in so many ways already! Looking in her eyes each day I fully understand SHE was God's plan for us all along, even when we couldn't see the complete picture....even when our hearts were breaking about losing Laina. She is threaded into my heart in an unmistakable way. She was made to be our daughter.

I wish I could tell those of you struggling with a plan that doesn't seem like it's turning out the way you thought it would to just hold on because chances are the end result is more beautiful than you can imagine at this moment in time. Having made it up the mountain and down the other side, I can now stand at the bottom and marvel at the life changing hike and the reward at the end of our crooked path.

Again I am reminded of this saying:

"Some luck lies in not getting

what you thought you wanted

but getting what you have,

which once you have it

you may be smart enough to see

it is what you would have wanted

had you known...."

~ Garrison Keillor

Here is the letter I wrote to Mila just hours before meeting her

October 19, 2011

Dear Baby Girl,    

You have no idea yet that your mommy and daddy are just hours away from meeting you. We’ve been on a train headed your way for 13 hours now. In 2 short hours we will arrive in the region where you are living in an orphanage. We will meet with the director of your baby house and learn what little information they know about you.  So far we know your name and the day you were born. I can’t wait to learn more about you. You are a precious miracle who has a life full of hope. You are wanted so badly by your mommy and daddy and big sister, Zoya. In your picture you look so sad. Soon enough you will have thousands of reasons to smile. I can’t even imagine what the moment will feel like when I get to hold your sweet little self and show you the love you never had. You don’t know this, but our path to you seemed very crooked to us, but in God’s eyes, the path couldn’t have been any straighter. He has known forever that you would be our daughter.  I can’t wait to look into your eyes and speak the words in my heart. Today your life will change forever. Today my life will change forever. Your daddy’s life will change forever, and your big sister’s life will change forever.  I know that we need you as much as you need us, and that’s the beauty of this miracle that is about to unfold. I love you already. Soon baby girl you will never have to be sad again without a mommy and daddy to comfort you. Soon you will not have to be lonely because you will have, among others, a big sister who already loves you too. Soon you will feel better because you will get to see doctors who will help you. And soon your mommy and daddy’s lives will be so much better because of you.  As we get closer and closer to you, I have butterflies in my tummy wondering what our first meeting will be like. Wondering if I can hold you for the first time without breaking down into a puddle of tears. Wondering what your daddy’s face will look like when he meets his baby girl for the first time.  Wondering how tiny your little fingers and toes and nose will be. But never wondering how we ended up 5,000 miles away from out home to meet YOU and only YOU, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, we ended up here because it is exactly where we were meant to be at this moment in time, right there with you.

With so much more love to come,

Mama