So many children waiting for families. Some will never get them. Some will be transferred to adult mental institutions at age 4 and die...they will die without ever having families. Harsh words, but true. As we pick up Curlie Girlie for each visit, we get to see the other babies and it feels as if my heart is being being ripped out of my chest when I look at them. When I hear their cries for attention and love, tears well up in my eyes and I get a huge lump in my throat. Sometimes I have to look away because it's too much to take. It pains me so much and it leaves a physical ache in my chest. Sometimes I get short of breath trying to understand the magnitude of the situation. This is ONE groupa in ONE orphanage in ONE country. For this room, there are thousands more just like it and even with far worse conditions. This is a good orphanage, but it is not a home. Basic physical needs are being met, but there is no love from mama or papa. There is not enough attention given to each child because it's simply impossible. I thought it would get easier each time seeing the need, but it has only become more difficult to see all of the other children here, knowing we are not here for them and we cannot help them. I have been walking around to all the other babies while they get our Little Miss ready. As soon as I stroke their hands or hair, they relax and stop crying.
When we came in tonight we heard lots of crying and when we walked in we saw OUR sweet baby crying. Sitting alone just wanting attention, crying :( As soon as she saw us she immediately stopped crying. As they got her ready I tried to calm a few of the other babies. Physically touching their hands and face and hair and looking them in the eyes trying to transfer as much love as I possibly could in such a brief moment. When I looked at them, for a moment, I saw Zoya as a baby sitting there, then I saw Mila, and I glanced over at Curlie Girlie. I pictured my girls, who are now home, in place of those babies and it killed me. I thought to myself, if only others could see this with their own eyes. If only others could imagine their own children in such a situation, maybe there wouldn't be such a need for families.
I've often heard, "You can't save them all." And to some extent that is absolutely, heart-breakingly true. BUT for three children we have made a difference. It doesn't make much of a dent in the crisis, but it makes all the difference for those three. Seeing what we've seen through our adoptions, and not being able to forget, is what has changed our hearts and minds and this is why we've opened our home and hearts again for a third child. I wish so badly I could "save them all." Days like today I feel as if I could suffocate under the weight of this orphan crisis. I feel as if I could never possibly do enough. I feel as if I'm trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. This is why I share our story publicly. This is why I put up with the trollish comments that some losers like to leave. This is why I won't shut up about orphans. If you have never thought about adoption before, please give it at least a thought. If you've thought about it but haven't moved forward simply out of fear, suck it up and do something because if you think you are afraid, you should see the look of terror on some of these babies' faces!! Adopt. Pray. Donate to an adopting family. Spread the word for the need. I won't apologize for my harsh words because I can't look at those babies in the eyes and tell them I can't help them! This is real life! These are real live babies! How can we live in such luxury day after day and allow the suffering to continue while we sit back and enjoy our comfortable lives? It angers me so much! I've been just as guilty as the rest. But now my eyes are opened and there is no turning back! There is no "you've done your part so you can relax now." I can't rest knowing this suffering exists in the world. Days like today, I long for Jesus to return and erase all of the pain and suffering!