Thursday, September 29, 2011

Your Questions Answered

First of all I love how so many of you ran to the "My Family Found Me" page to try and guess who we were adopting!! Love it! Many of you were right!  It has been a very emotional past couple of weeks to say the least! Ups and downs and all-arounds!

Does Harlene have special needs other than her heart defects?
Yes! Oops, I guess I forgot to mention that! She has Down Syndrome in addition to the heart defects.

I also am wondering about the money raised. What will happen to Lainas donations?
Since Laina is unavailable for adoption at this time, the funds that were raised for our adoption for her (seen in her FSP account) will be transferred to Harlene's account. We will be able to use those funds that have been donated and also raised through the beach giveaway, etc. for Harlene's adoption.

What about the donations for Lainas locker? Are you starting a new one?
Laina's Locker actually ended on September 23rd so we do not plan on starting a new one. If there is something that you'd like to order, just shoot me an email and we can figure out a payment option since the chipin is expired.

But if Laina's birthparents had met you, they would perhaps have been able to decide to give their child to you?? Maybe you should meet them when you are in EE...
Of course this comment was left by "anonymous" so I don't exactly know how to take it or what the intentions of the comment were. But really? I feel like saying "DIDN'T YOU READ ANYTHING I WROTE? THE ENTIRE POST THAT I SPENT 8 HOURS WRITING INSTEAD OF SLEEPING? THE POST WHERE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE MY HEART BLEEDING ALL OVER THE PAGE?!?"  It is not a possibility at this point in time. They are not ready. We are not trying to change their minds. They are not going to come to a complete resolution in two weeks time when they've just begun their struggle. The judge will not approve it anyways. There are many things that I can't write about on a public blog post, which is why I put in my last post that I had not disclosed everything we know. So although I disclosed quite a bit you're not seeing the whole picture.  International adoption is intricate, so I have to believe that you must have never been through an international adoption to think that it would be as simple as just meeting them and everything will be A-ok. What is done is done. Actions and words took place that cannot be taken back. Those actions and words changed our course of action and our ability to adopt Laina. I'd love nothing more than for Laina to be our happy ending to this fairy tale, but the truth is that will not happen. Maybe I'm reading too much into your comment but you have to understand how extremely sensitive our emotions are at this point in time and your words make me feel as if I did not do an adequate job explaining the situation.

Are you going to keep her name "Harlene?"
No! A lot of people don't realize that the children's names are changed on Reece's Rainbow website to protect them. When we adopted Zoya her name was listed as "Zoya" AND that was her birth name. Since that time, things have changed and the ladies of Reece's Rainbow choose names for the profiles they receive. Did you know when I googled "Harlene" the meaning came up as "pile of rocks"!!! What in the world???? We will know her birth name when we get her referral at our SDA appointment. We have a couple names we like but we'd definitely like to stay open to using part of her birth name since that will likely be all she will "own" from her past....just like we did with Zoya. So sorry to all of you waiting to hear her likely won't be announced until we have had court!

Are you guaranteed to bring Harlene home?
Nope. In fact we could get there and they could tell us her file is not ready or there is an ever so small possibility that her birth family, or another family in her country would want to take her home or adopt her. This has happened a few times in Harlene's country. You just never know. It is all a leap of faith. Does it make us nervous? Yah a little, but either way we know God is steering this ship!

Thank you to all of you wonderful friends and readers for leaving your love and support through comments, prayers, and/or emails. It means the world to us!

Now let's go get baby girl!





Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Moving Forward....One Stone at a Time

"Some luck lies in not getting
what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have,
which once you have it
you may be smart enough to see
it is what you would have wanted
had you known...."
~ Garrison Keillor

As soon as we heard that we would not be bringing Laina home, as broken hearted as we were (and still are), we knew deep in our hearts that we had not been led this whole way by God simply to throw in the towel. Just when it appeared we might have reached a dead end on our path, miraculously, God started paving a path right before our eyes, one stone at at time. I hate not being able to see the whole road. I'm uncomfortable just stepping from one stone to the next when we cannot see all the stones laid in front of us yet...not knowing where we are going, but just trusting that each stone will be there.  As we jump from one stone to the next, we know that God will lay down each stone just as we need it, not too soon, and not too His perfect timing.

As a little background of where our hearts were, Shawn and I had said from the beginning, if something ever fell through with Laina's adoption we'd rather not adopt any other child, because it was only Laina that jolted our decision to adopt again. It was her sweet picture and her special story. That is how strongly we felt that Laina was our daughter and how strongly we felt that God called us to her.  So we had agreed that should something happen, we would cut our losses and run. God knew the only way we'd commit to adopt again was by seeing Laina's special story laid before us...He knew we couldn't turn away from that. He has surely used her to guide us on our path. We thought Laina was at the end of our path, and now we are realizing that our path is being extended beyond her.

Now we understand why there was a delay in being submitted. As I cried and stomped around like a child angry that we weren't submitted, I had no idea what God was up to. Had we been submitted we would probably be in Eastern Europe right now as all of this was unfolding. Maybe we would have already met Laina and her birth parents and maybe it would have been even more excruciatingly painful when we found out she wouldn't be coming home with us. But I knew there had to be more of a reason than just protecting us from an even worse heartbreak, I just felt it.  I kept wondering, why, why, why would God get our paperwork done in record time? I mean seriously, it has to be some adoption record for how quickly things got done, and how we got our I-171H approval the SAME DAY as our fingerprints. Why would that miracle have happened if we were just supposed to walk away? Why did it happen so fast only for us to sit and wait to be submitted, and then to find out that our plans to adopt Laina were falling through....

Just as God has done throughout this entire journey, in His perfect timing, He has laid down another stone so we can continue walking this path He has planned for us....

Meet "Harlene"
From Reece's Rainbow Website:

Girl, born March 2011

Such a sweet little dumpling!  

Harlene needs a family, QUICKLY, as she has heart issues which will need to be addressed.   She has a defect of the chamber wall, subaortic, and she has pulmonary hypertension issues.
Guess when Harlene's paperwork will be ready? In 2-3 weeks! Guess when we will probably travel? In 3-4 weeks! In an act only God could pull off, the way our petition was submitted for Laina will allow us to keep the same travel date that we will get (hopefully any day now), but instead we will travel hoping to adopt "Harlene" who needs immediate medical attention.  We don't exactly understand how the behind the scenes things are working out for us to be able to adopt Harlene....since we aren't submitting a new child specific petition, so be in prayer that it all works according to God's plan.  The funny part is when Harlene was listed a couple weeks ago, I showed Shawn her picture and jokingly said I WISH WE COULD BRING HOME TWO! LOL

Prior to being led to Harlene, we were feeling both extreme sadness, yet a peace we couldn't understand, we were so confused. As Shawn and I sat and stared at the computer, it felt like an impossible thing to do, to choose another child. How would we know? In the past, both Zoya and Laina's pictures have struck us and in that moment we just knew.  Just as I sent off an email to our facilitator in EE, I had received one from her. I had asked for more information on two children we had felt led to (one of those being Harlene). As soon as I clicked "send" I received an email from our facilitator with three profiles, two of those profiles being the same exact ones I just sent her! We asked for more information about their availability and waited to hear, not knowing where we were headed.  We considered doing a blind referral, and just going and allowing the officials to choose a few files to present to us once there.

I sat outside that night just staring at the sky feeling so very lost. I actually asked God if he could spell out our child's name in the clouds so we would just know! And no he didn't do that if you're wondering ;) For the first time in my life, I had no idea what to even pray. Every time I tried there was just nothing. All I could do was just be.  I wondered what I was doing wrong and why it felt I couldn't get through to God.  I went inside feeling ever so sad, but with this darn nagging peace that I couldn't understand. It was the oddest combination of feelings I've ever experienced.  I didn't know you could feel so utterly sad but yet so hopeful at the same time.  What in the world was God up to?
The next evening we got an email from our facilitator letting us know that Harlene would be available in a couple of weeks and that the other child would not be available for months. There was a third child who was available now, but our facilitator told us that Harlene was in the greatest need of medical attention. That was what we needed to hear as we had just reminded ourselves of our reasons for being called to adoption to begin help orphans in distress. This child clearly needs a family, medical attention, love, and opportunities in life. We are clearly paper ready with our documents just sitting there. We certainly don't have the "she's the one beyond a shadow of a doubt" feeling (maybe a little nervous to get too excited and have our hearts broken again having such a fresh wound), but once again we're trusting where God is leading at THIS moment in time.

We are excited and trying to rest in knowing that we don't know it all....we aren't even close to having life figured out. We are learning to let go and trust even more completely than we ever knew possible. We know in our hearts that God has big things planned for us. We are not silly enough to think that he's giving us the big picture yet....Sometimes he does with Zoya's adoption I felt we had a better overall picture of His plans. This time around we are being asked to step on each stone as they are laid at a time.  And although it is not easy, we know that if we follow we will be rewarded in the end. 

You'll notice on the new header Laina's little picture that's black and white, in addition to Harlene's bigger picture that is in color.  I couldn't bear to just delete Laina's picture because she is a big part of this adoption story and still has a very special place in our hearts. I don't ever want to feel like we are replacing Laina with another child. In our hearts they will be sisters, even though we will likely never meet Laina this side of heaven. So for now Laina will fade into the deepest place in our hearts and remain there, not forgotten, all while we move forward toward "Harlene." It's bittersweet and beautiful and scary and exciting. Thank you for travelling this journey alongside us and thank you for all of your amazing comments, support, and prayers. Keep them coming!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Rise (A Difficult Post)

“Yes I will rise out of these ashes; rise from this trouble I have found and this rubble on the ground I will rise.  Cause He Who is in me is greater than I will ever be and I will rise”
~Shawn McDonald, Rise

In this post I wrote about how I clearly feel God has big plans for Laina and how he has only revealed little pieces of the puzzle to us. I truly felt that with all my heart but I didn’t know what it meant. But, I was trusting….we were trusting.  On Wednesday we were given another little piece of Laina’s puzzle.
That piece is this: Laina will not become our daughter. 
This post is somewhat impossible to write, but I’m praying for the right words.  If you could hear a heart shatter, you’d probably hear mine (and Shawn’s) breaking into pieces.  Obviously, our hearts are broken.  I fear some may not understand the grief that we feel for "losing" a child that we never met.  But she was our daughter in our hearts and always will be. I imagine this is what a late term miscarriage might feel like emotionally. Her room is ready, the 5 letters on her shelf spell out her name L-A-I-N-A, her picture is on our refrigerator, her clothes are washed and hanging in her closet, her big sister runs into her room and yells out her name with a smile, her bassinet is waiting next to our bed, her big girl crib and soft blankets are prepared for her.  And in an instant, our dreams for our life with Laina as our daughter were brought to a screeching halt. Sad doesn’t even begin to cover it.
In talking to Andrea from Reece’s Rainbow and then our facilitator in Laina’s country, we learned that although her family has signed away their legal rights to her, her mother does not appear emotionally ready for her daughter to be adopted. Now you’ve all heard the bittersweet stories of birth families who’ve come back for their babies after an adoptive family has committed to them, but this story will likely not end that way.  Of course God could write the story that way…it would be a true miracle.  I believe that her mother needs more time before her heart is ready for her to be adopted.  With the level of involvement and the emotional state of the birth mother, it would be unlikely that a judge would ever rule in our favor to become her parents at this point in time, even though she is “legally” an orphan.
Even if the court decision had nothing to do with this, it has never been our intention, as an adoptive family, to take a child from a family who is emotionally distressed.  We could never live with that guilt, nor is that why we got into the adoption world. The reason we chose adoption was to give a child a family…a child who didn’t already have a family.  Laina has a family. At this point in time our hearts do not consider her an orphan.  She has not been abandoned and her mother is not ready to let her go emotionally.  They did not ask for us not to come, but in addition to their obvious emotional distress, made it clear that their hopeful involvement in her life went beyond even the most open of adoptions.  Maybe they want a better life for her and at the same time,  desperately wish circumstances in their country were different and would allow them to parent her.  But it must seem to them that there is no perfect option at this point. They have to choose between two choices , neither of which feel right at this point.  This isn’t black and white, there is so much grey area and that’s where everyone always gets lost….in the grey.  I can see how they would obviously be torn.  I can understand the magnitude of this emotionally charged situation.
So, with knowing everything we know (not all of which I have disclosed) we agree with our facilitator that it would not be a good idea to pursue Laina’s adoption.  Our hearts grieve at the thought of our daughter laying in that orphanage, when she could be home with a family….whoever that family may be. Please pray for the birth family, that they would see God’s plan for their daughter, whatever it may be.  I don’t understand a lot of God’s plan here with Laina, I have to be honest. But I can’t believe His plan is for her to spend her life in that orphanage…visits from her birth mother or not.
International adoption can be messy and scary. We went into this fully aware that it might turn out this way (well not exactly this way, but you get the idea). This is a perfect time for Satan to sneak in and  sneer  “Where is your God now?”  Well we know our God is carrying us through, even if it doesn’t all make sense now.   Our faith will not be shaken.  Out of these ashes we will rise. 

I can’t WAIT to share with you the second half of our story that will surely glorify God.  I will give you a little hint as to not leave you hanging….we WILL be travelling to Eastern Europe very soon and God-willing, we will bring home the child that God has always known would be our daughter.
Proverbs 19:21: “Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. Please keep them coming. You can pray specifically for peace for the birth parents, pray that God would protect Laina physically and emotionally, and that Laina will end up with her family...whenever and whomever that may be. For us, please pray for healing of our hearts, continued peace through this wild ride, courage to trust God no mater where He leads us, and an ability to stand strong through it all. Thank you friends.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Taking a Break...

Taking a break from posting here for a bit. Please keep praying for us, we need your prayers now more than ever. God knows the need.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

4 days left.....

We've made $236 (minus shipping costs) so far with Laina's Locker! Woohooo!!! Four more days to order your KEY FOBS or WEIGHTED BLANKETS OR HAIR BOW HOLDERS. Some great Christmas ideas :) Check them out!!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Laina's Bedroom

We could be holding our Laina chicky a month from now...oh that's just crazy to think about!! When I took Zoya to her dentist appointment the other day the staff were all asking if they'd get to meet Laina in 6 months at Zoya's next appointment....AHHH...IN 6 MONTHS WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TWO GIRLS!!! (Well sooner than that hopefully....) It still seems surreal to me!

Laina's room is just about ready (not that she will probably sleep in it for a while, but it makes me feel better having it all done before she comes home). Her room is a love bird theme :) Love that wall sticker, it was so fun to put all the pieces together! Grandma P. is making the curtains since I couldn't find any that went with the valances! The chair is from Zoya's room and we gave her a big bean bag in place of the chair.

This dresser was donated to our garage sale, but never sold, so Shawn refinished it and we're using it for a dresser/changing table combo....he did a fabulous job!!

Here is what it looked like before:

And guess what? Summer and her family were submitted the same day as us!!! There is a chance....maybe.....that we could get the same appointment date....oh my....she lives 40 minutes from us.....if that happened we could fly together and everything....that could be trouble!! It would be so fabulous to have another family (or families) in the capital with us this time since we never got to meet any other families during Zoya's adoption process! Can't wait to get our travel date!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Wooooooooot!! Jumping up and down and trying not too yell to loud and wake up Zoya!!!! Nothing like making us wait all day! We could be holding that sweet girl in our arms in a month! Oh my!!! I forgot many of you don't know what "submitted" means, but basically it means Laina's country has accepted our dossier and there are no mistakes and they know we are coming and now we just have to wait for a travel date!!! Usually families hear their travel date about 2 weeks after their submission date and the travel date can be anywhere from a week to 4 weeks out, on average!

Laina chicky we're coming soon!!!!! Praise God!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

In the Waiting....

Since things with Laina's adoption were moving so quickly up until we crashed into this waiting wall....I hadn't had a ton of time to really just sit and think and wonder and pray about Laina's adoption. These past few days I've had a lot of quiet waiting time...late at night after everyone else has gone to bed...I try to imagine what God's plan for Laina entails. I know God has big things planned for her, I feel it with every ounce of my being.  Since we committed to Laina, I've seen God only reveal little pieces of the plan at a time and there is so much yet to be revealed. That makes me nervous, but I'm learning to trust more. In this quiet waiting time I'm finding peace again and being reminded that we are mere passengers on this plane. All we have to do is answer the invitation to board the plane. We are not in control and if we try to take over the plane as passengers, disaster will surely ensue. God is our pilot and he can see things we can't. Who wouldn't want to put their trust in a God who knows all? But why is it so hard!? You'd think it'd be easier for us after walking this road once before and being so greatly rewarded with our daughter Zoya. But, it seems we forgot how to relinquish that control completely. I'll probably never get it perfect, but that's okay, I'll keep trying!

"So take me as You find me, all my fears & failures, fill my life again. I give my life to follow, everything I believe in, Now I surrender."
Mighty to Save by Hillsong

**And as I, for some strange reason, was reading back on Zoya's blog some of the posts I wrote while we were waiting for her...I came across this one...see! I forgot I ever felt this same exact way before!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Laina's Locker: More Key Fob Choices

So far we've made $99 on Laina's locker! Remember, we are selling WEIGHTED BLANKETS and HAIR BOW HOLDERS! These are all great Christmas ideas and all proceeds will go directly toward Laina's adoption fund!

Teri sent me some pictures of her new materials she ordered to make custom key fobs for you! Check HERE to see what they look like and to see the large size and the smaller size. The large size will sell for $7.00 and the smaller size will sell for $5.00. Shipping is $2.00 per key fob or $3.00 for 2-3 key fobs! I have the larger size one (sent to me by Teri for Christmas) and I LOVE it, I don't know what I did without this thing! It is essential for mamas who always have their hands full!  Shawn has one of the smaller key fobs on his key chain and he just loves his too! These make great stocking stuffers! Christmas is only three and a half months away!! All proceeds will go to Laina's adoption expenses!

Below are some photos of the ribbons and webbing that Teri has available. If you see something you like, leave a comment, or email me at spbasile at gmail dot com. I will number the pictures, so when ordering, please refer to the number(s) of the picture(s) and let me know your selection within each picture! Some of the ribbons show up in more than one picture because Teri paired them up with the webbing she thought looked good, but any can be mixed and matched! Please let me know if you have any questions!!

1. Pink/Brown Ribbon, Pink/Black/White Ribbon, Brown Webbing, Brown/Blue Ribbon

2. Tan Webbing, Green/White/Tan Ribbon, Black Webbing

3. Light Blue Webbing, Blue/Tan Ribbon, Blue/White Ribbon
4. Light Pink Webbing, Red/Pink/White Ribbon, Pink/Green Ribbon, Pink/Dark Pink Ribbon

5. Black Webbing, Black/White/Grey Ribbon, Soccer Ball Ribbon,
Pink/White/Black Ribbon, Black/White/Dark Pink Ribbon

6. Pink/Dark Pink Ribbon, Dark Pink Webbing,
Green/Purple/White/Pink Ribbon, Pink/Green Ribbon

7. Dark Purple/White Dot Ribbon, Purple Webbing, Green/Purple/White/Pink Ribbon,
Pink/Green Ribbon, Green Stripe Ribbon

8. Burberry Ribbon (LOVE this one) with red webbing

9. Yellow Webbing, Pink/Yellow/Blue/Green Ribbon, Aqua Blue Webbing

10. White Webbing/Dark Purple and White Dot Ribbon, Soccer Ball Ribon,
Green Striped Ribbon, Light Green Dot Ribbon 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Gift Card Winner....

Part of the beach trip giveaway was a $25 gift card....people who shared the beach trip giveaway either on their blog or facebook were entered to win this gift card. I made a list of all 19 people who shared our giveaway, numbered those people and let choose a number....the winning number was number 13...and that is.......

Teri McGilvray!!!

Teri, let me know if you want a Starbucks, Target, or Best Buy gift card!! Hows this for a consolation prize??? (Teri REALLY wanted to win the beach trip! LOL)

Thanks to all who shared our giveaway!!

Keep praying for our dossier! Laina's file should arrive in the hands it needs to very soon....if it DID arrive tomorrow AND the SDA gives our letter of approval, and all the stars line up correctly, there is an ever so very tiny chance it could be submitted is not very likely at in I wouldn't even bet a penny on it...but nothing is too big for our God! Thanks, friends!

Oh and oh my goodness, I LOVED LOVED LOVED hearing from so many of you who introduced yourselves through the comments section or sent me an email!!! I learned a lot about my readers and why you all enjoy Zoya's and Laina's blogs and how you found us! So many of you have such amazing stories! Thank you for standing behind us and supporting us through this journey!

Spare a prayer?

It is not looking good for us to be submitted Thursday....please say a prayer....issues beyond anything having to do with us in Laina's country... :(

Monday, September 5, 2011

$2,000!!...and Breakdown of Costs

Our FSP is up to $2,000!!! Thank you to whoever donated to get us there!!! We are so blessed! We have had an awesome donor offer to pay for our first set of round trip plane tickets, and raised enough through the beach giveaway to pay for the second set of round trip tickets (although we're prayin' our hearts out maybe our 10 day wait will be waived and we can do it in one trip!). The two sets of round trip plane tickets are estimated at $5,000, so that is a huge chunk of our costs, already paid for!! I don't think I've ever done a breakdown of costs on Zoya's blog or Laina' here's an idea of costs in addition to the estimated $5,000 for plane tickets:

The first biggest chunk of money goes toward facilitator fees, which are $9,000! Those fees cover
   *Review/approval of all dossier documents
   *Translation of dossier documents
   *Notarization of dossier documents
   *Submission of dossier to the State Department for Adoption in capital city
   *Work with SDA until dossier is approved
   *All bureaucratic and legal fees (including expedition fees)
   *Translation of all the child’s documents required for the US Embassy to get visa
   *Donation to the orphanage
Other services not included in that fee and that will cost an additional amount are:
*Accommodations both in capital and in the region: $80/night--estimated at $2,800 for 5 weeks in country
*Groceries/Food: $20/day--estimated at $700 for 5 weeks in country
*Transportation-trains/planes/automobiles in country--estimated at $2,000, although cost us more last trip
*Medical examination in capital – $150
4.   Visa application in the US Embassy in capital – $404 per child
5.   Passport and expediting – $250-$600 per child, varies by region country costs are approximately $20,650....

Costs we have already paid out of pocket total approximately $4,000. These costs include:
PA police clearances, Child Abuse Clearances, FBI Clearances: $106
Homestudy: $1,100
RR application Fee and Promise Trust: $1,025
Marriage Certificates: $15
Apostilles: $675
Postage/DHL Fees: $271
USCIS application and fingerprints fee: $890

Sooo....plane tickets, covered! We have $2,000 in FSP plus $500 from a diamond ring we sold, plus $800 from our garage sale (we recently sold a couple more items to raise our total!), and are hoping to make about $1,000 from our candle sale! We will (hopefully) get reimbursed $3,000 from Shawn's employer toward adoption costs, $100 from Laina's Locker sales (so far), and my friend Shelly is also doing a candle sale and a garage sale for Laina! Soo....that means we've raised about $11,250...almost HALF of our costs are covered!! Woohooo! We are madly saving away and Shawn is working extra hours. He will not be able to take any vacation because he has already used his vacation for the year (remember we didn't commit to Laina until after our free trip to Florida and really had no idea we'd be adopting again anytime soon so had no reason to "save vacation"). So his time off for travel will all be we are saving extra for his unpaid time as well.

God is good and when he led us to adopt this time around, we didn't flinch at the cost because where there is a will, there is a way and where there is a God, there are miracles!

So my friends, now that you've seen the breakdown of know why we are so very thankful for your donations!! You are all a little piece of Laina's story, through your support, kind words, encouragement, and donations!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Getting Down to Business!

Okay, first of all....oh me oh my! Have you seen our FSP growing by leaps and bounds???? We are only $80 away from $2,000!!!! All donated by family and friends, and some lovely people we don't even know!!!! I wish I could see the names of who donated right away, but it usually takes a little time before my request to see the donors comes through. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you who have donated! We are so very blessed and appreciate those of you who have felt convicted to give! It's funny how God has used our adoption journeys to make us less prideful and more willing and appreciative of help from others.

Secondly, I will be doing the drawing for the $25 gift card very soon :) That is for those of you who shared the beach trip giveaway on your facebook or blog!

I've been counting down the days until Thursday. I am so thankful Laina's country is ahead of us by several hours because that means we usually don't have to wait all day to get an answer....when we wake up here it is almost the end of their workday there :) We are hoping and praying to get submitted Thursday. Things are uncertain as always in Laina's country and only God knows what the timeline looks like. I thought we passed the class on learning patience and giving up control through Zoya's adoption, but apparently we're repeating those classes all over soon we forget. Or maybe I could look at it as taking a higher level class after learning the basics through Zoya's adoption? Naaahhh, we're pretty much starting all over! ha!

And one more little piece of business....I know many of you who are following our journey, but many of you I don't know! Pretty please, could you introduce yourself either in the comments or by email: spbasile at gmail dot com ?? I'd love to hear who you are and how you found us :)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Not Submitted :(

Since we worked every waking moment for the last two months to get our dossier done and sent to EE, we were a bit disappointed to hear this morning that we weren't submitted. Laina's file is not ready yet. Hopefully next Thursday. Laina is scheduled for heart surgery in her country for sometime in the beginning of October. Last we heard (a month ago) she was just over seven pounds. My gut tells me surgery in her country plus seven pounds very well may not equal the outcome we'd hope for, which would be her life. That is why we worked so hard to get everything done so fast, because surgery will wait if we can get there first. So after today, at least another week is tacked onto the timeline and it doesn't seem that we will be there before October. It's just a week, 7 days, no big deal right? To me it IS a big deal because at this point every day matters.  We are still hoping they will wait to do her surgery since they are aware we have our paperwork in and are just waiting on their end of things. Of course then we wonder what exactly her heart condition is and how she will do travelling home, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I just have an intuition that she should not have surgery there.

We're not just disappointed, we are worried for her life. And if nothing else to come out of this bad news today, I've realized she is already my child....maybe not legally, but the fierce feelings that welled up in me this morning and the thoughts that raced through my head about what in the world I would ever do if she didn't make it told me she is already just as much my child as Zoya is. People may not understand that, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt after my heart aching so much this morning that I'd do anything for this daughter....just as much as I'd do anything for Zoya.  I just wish I could scoop her up now and make it all better, get her home and healthy and get her the surgery she needs so she can be all she was made to be. Although I've never met Laina, although I've never held her or looked into her eyes, or rocked her to sleep or listened to her breathe, or felt her soft skin on mine, I already love her as my daughter.

Please say a prayer for sweet Laina, that is all, thank you.